What are you doing on Wednesday night? If you don’t have some really awesome plans already, or if you’re looking for something to do after stuffing yourself silly at Guerrilla Cuisine, come to the The Map Room to see what is probably going to be one of the best, most unique shows in Charleston this year: FINAL FANTASY and CADENCE WEAPON.

Final Fantasy is really just one man, violinist Owen Pallett. If you’ve listened to the Arcade Fire album Funeral or Beirut’s new (and excellent) The Flying Club Cup, you’ve already heard his string arrangements. Live, he loops his violin parts (much like Andrew Bird and Tin Cup Prophette), sings, plays keyboard, and demonstrates why Canada is probably going to eventually take over our lazy country. His latest full-length album was 2006′s prize-winning He Poos Clouds and in case you can’t tell from that title, he really doesn’t take himself too seriously.

Cadence Weapon is a rapper, blogger, ex-Pitchfork contributor, and apparently has an ass like a shelf (oh, you message boards!). His 2006 album, Breaking Kayfabe, was nominated for the same prize that the Final Fantasy album won (Canada’s Polaris Prize) and for you Buster Bluth fans out there, one of the songs on his first release (cassette only) Cadence Weapon Is the Black Hand is called “The Gorilla Is For Sand Racing”.

For a taste of how awesome their collaborations are (the two guys are friends and have been playing together on this tour and earlier), check out any of the tracks from a CBC Radio 3 session they did back in April of this year (I highly recommend “Sharks” and “This is the Dream of Win and Regine”) here: http://www.box.net/shared/lmbjl1as6z (via The Torture Garden)

I only write this much because I think the show’s going to be amazing (I personally have been looking forward to it for months) and totally different. Also because there were like maybe 25 people at the Celebration/Dragons of Zynth show at the Map Room a few weeks ago and it was SO GOOOOOOD and frankly it sucks that so many of you, whom I know for a fact love music, miss out on these rare opportunities to see nationally touring bands when they come through our out-of-the-way coastal town. I know the Map Room is way the fuck out in West Ashley and it’s a school/work night and etc. etc. etc., but you can punch me in the arm as hard as you want if you come to the show and hate it. Seriously, you can.

MP3: Cadence Weapon – “Sharks” (from Breaking Kayfabe)
MP3: Cadence Weapon – “Black Hand” (from Breaking Kayfabe)
MP3: Final Fantasy – “Many Lives 49 MP” (from He Poos Clouds)
MP3: Final Fantasy – “Please Please Please” (from 2005′s Has A Good Home)

TONIGHT (Nov. 3) at Cumberland’s, Charleston’s Best Philanthropist/Historical Landmark Bradley Simmons (trust me, I counted the votes myself) and his Holy City Booking bring us the unclassifiable, Oregon-based noisemakers known as Old Time Relijun, who deconstruct and rebuild somewhere around the intersection of folk and rock music.

They’re currently traversing the country behind Catharsis in Crisis, their seventh album on K Records and their third recorded with K founder Calvin Johnson. I’m not familiar enough with the band’s whole catalog to write authoritatively about them, so allow me to direct you to a bona fide collector (and much better writer) — John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats — and his discussion of Old Time Relijun vis-a-vis history.

“I think Old Time Relijun are a very physical celebration of music and its possibilities, which is a terrible thing to say about anybody, since it makes them sound like professors, which they’re not. They’re hairy shirtless guys screaming about dark matter.”

Opening for Old Time Relijun are local house-show veterans and fellow experienced yellers Oicho Kabu and another local band I’ve never heard, Smallpox.

MP3: Old Time Relijun – “Indestructible Life!”

I’d steeled myself for another Robbie Fulks/Chow Nasty/Sunburned Hand of the Man/”insert-band-name-here” wafer-thin crowd and was shocked to see a fairly full room (150-175 people) when I arrived at the VT in time to witness the wacky, “cock”-filled exuberance of The Mattoid, who take a refreshingly un-serious approach to making a joyful noise (see exhibit B below).

If that picture doesn’t sell it, this winning Mattoid lyric might: “Crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it’s party time.” (Please, go to the Myspace page and listen to the song. It will all make sense.) The solid epicenter of The Mattoid is Ville Kiviniemi, who’s rockin’ a badass samurai triple (quadruple?) ponytail these days, and he’s played with a mile-long list of Nashville’s indielluminati (Lambchop’s William Tyler, multitalented producer Loney John Hutchins, etc.). He (along with drummer/singer Vanessa Scholle) was quite adept at engendering the aforementioned “party time” prior to Doug Stanhope’s stream-of-consciousness, slacker stand-up.

If you live here, you know about the fabled 5:1 girl-to-guy ratio in Chucktown. If you don’t live here, don’t worry: it’s not totally true. The real ratio is probably 55% to 45%. But that’s only relevant because the Doug Stanhope show was a freakin’ sausage party! I haven’t seen so many dudes and so few girls in a room together in Charleston since…well, ever. Maybe the fact that Stanhope used to be on The Man Show (in its last-gasp, Corolla- and Kimmel-free 2003 season) was part of it, or that he’s got a wee bit of a misogynist streak. But give me a comedian without an “-ist” streak and I’ll give you a nap.

Stanhope recently shaved the top middle part of his head, because, he explained, he’s planning to grow it out into a hillbilly mullet on the sides until it’s long enough to comb over (“I’m going to create the hairstyle that men spend thousands of dollars to avoid”), and his shabbiness only lent cred to his ribald stories and decidedly nonlinear narrative joke-telling. The Mt. Pleasant show was their first of the tour and Stanhope didn’t try to hide that he was still working out the kinks, telling the enthusiastic crowd that we were getting all the jokes before they were actually funny.

As people deposited shots on the stage for Stanhope, the fourth wall came down further and further until he had to take a smoke break outside and The Mattoid came back on. When Stanhope returned to the stage after The Mattoid’s hilarious, punky Eurotrash version of Lionel Richie’s “Hello”, he had a handful of yellow legal-pad paper in one hand and a beer in the other and picked through his notes for bits (“Did I do the dominatrix healthcare bit already?” He hadn’t.). He closed with a ripping good dirty sex joke and the crowd gave him a nice long standing O — which he deserved, unrehearsed bits or not. Hell, if he’s that hilarious without polish, why not let the scuffs show?

The music-comedy-music-comedy thing worked brilliantly — whether it was the pairing of The Mattoid and Doug Stanhope or just the natural order of things, I’m not sure. But I hope that Tuesday night’s success translates into the VT booking more comedians (preferably with awesome bands to sweeten the deal).

~sm

(Non-Charlestonians: Find out if Stanhope and The Mattoid are coming to cock — uh, rock your city here.)

I honestly believe these guys are the best live band in America right now, so don’t miss being able to get a small sample of the goods. They’re touring across the country with opener Damien Jurado from Aug. 30-Oct. 6, although the closest they’re coming to Charleston is the 40 Watt in Athens, Ga. (on Oct. 3).

Okkervil River’s label, Jagjaguwar, kindly allows anyone with an internet connection to dip a few toes into the band’s catalog via mp3s. Go here and poke around for songs from the band’s last five releases (seriously, just listen to “For Real” at least once. If you don’t like it…hell, it was free! Quit yer bitchin’!)

Here’s the video for “Our Life is Not a Movie or Maybe,” the single from their new album, The Stage Names.

-sm

i heart you, feist…

-lv

they have played with everyone from !!! to mc hammer, and on thursday they come to the village tavern for your booty shakin’ pleasure. fun and quirky, with excellent samples and energy to bring out the punky funky party rock fan in all of us, this trio from san fran comes all the way to the east coast this week.

listen to “thick shake” and go see their show. 6 bucks, plus white boy crazy. how can you pass that up?!?

–lv

85% – Obama supporters yelling the above slogan, which is quite catchy. I thought they were saying “Obama! OK!” for the first 10 minutes of the chanting, though. His crew also has an entire marching band waiting in the park…I’m guessing they’re from Burke High School, since Obama has apparently set up a Charleston-based office just down the street from Burke.
10% – Representatives from FairTax.org, who are yelling “What do we want?” “Fair tax!” “When do we want it?” “Now!” in direct opposition to the Obama supporters.
5% – Hillary Clinton supporters, standing around and looking bored, maybe holding a sign up, maybe just resting one on their feet, definitely not yelling anything.

This morning I met Dennis Kucinich as he was eating a chocolate chip cookie at Whole Foods. He is a tiny man! And his wife is very tall and willowy.

They had a cameraman with them, who filmed me shaking Kucinich’s hand and telling him about my Croatian grandfather. He listened politely, chewing his cookie, and asked if I’d ever visited Croatia. Sadly, no. Then he went on his merry way! I love his persistence in the face of near-complete adversity. Reminds me of Grandpa for sure. I guess maybe I should’ve said that…

-sm

they rip it up only to break it back down. they will abuse your ears, but then nurse the wounds with some sweet, sweet synthesizers. if you’re down for some experimental metal, don’t you dare miss this show tonight at cumberlands. the three piece group from philadelphia comes to town. ed gein and gaza are also on the bill. go show them some love. and then go buy the new harry potter book, you big dork.

~lv

If I had a back porch, I’d put some speakers out there to blast Lindsay Holler & the Dirty Kids — they’re the perfect accompaniment to Charleston summers, all enveloping humidity and unpredictable storms that seem to come out of nowhere.

Sure, there were no lawn chairs or mosquito zappers, but The Map Room was a fine venue for Holler&Kids last Thursday night. The crowd wasn’t huge, but a large chunk of Holler’s core audience was most likely over at Cumberland’s watching Lucero. In fact, Holler herself “snuck” down to Cumbie’s to throw some notes in with Lucero openers Shovels & Rope (Cary Ann Hearst and Michael Trent’s new baby band — and, ooh, their MySpace picture is saucy as Mephistopheles himself).

Back in West Ashley, Ilad were a great listen but not exactly adrenaline rush-inducing. Holler&Kids got the sleepy crowd up and hootin’ from the get-go (I’m looking at you, overjoyed barfly who seemed quite surprised that the band was so good), playing for an hour or so. After they finished and the bar united in their demand for an encore, an interband debate resulted in one more song: a fine rendition of Tom Waits’ “Gun Street Girl.” But, in the words of Levar, you don’t have to take my word for it: click here to download an mp3 of “Gun Street Girl” from Thursday’s show, or check out the, um, light-challenged video footage.

–sm

oh, upper deck… i’m so happy it’s your fifth anniversary. i’m so glad that nestled in the heart of tourist trap/college fuck central, that you are there to ease my worries and make me feel so welcome.

i have such warm fuzzy feelings for this bar. something tells me that my experiences here in charleston would not be nearly as glorious without the tried and true guaranteed good smoky time i am sure to have each and every time i walk down that narrow alley, mysteriously wet and puddled with god knows what.

it is in this bar that i have started and more than likely ended some of my best nights in this town. i have also given an estimated 40% of my income away to car bombs, pbrs, vodka tonics, and if the timing is right a good ol’ happy hour pitcher of long island iced tea. there are some people that i only see at this place, and there are some people i was only priviledged to know because of their drinking schedule or their killer connect four skills.

dj nights, dance parties, 80s birthdays, art shows, happy hours, jello shots, naked women, stinging eyes, smelly clothes, ass holes, artists, musicians, dirty kids, preps, pizza, darts, hair cuts in the bathroom, the writing on the wall, you can do and see it all.

everyone who has over served and taken care of me, thanks a bunch.

and thanks for the free whiskey. nice touch.

~lv